'I choose my career because it's the one thing I can control'
Why is Gen Z dating less and working more?
Previous generations have long held dating as a milestone of early adulthood. But for many members of Gen Z, romance has fallen down the list of priorities. The result? Rising concern about a 'relationship recession,' alongside declines in marriages and even sexual activity among 22-34 year olds.
Gen Z's dating habits have been subject to a lot of scrutiny, a position Millennials held in the 2010s. The BBC has called them "the loneliest generation", CNN has characterised them as "risk-averse", and Wired spotlights those who are "solomaxxing".
Faced with growing global instability and socio-economic uncertainty, has today's generation lost interest in love?
Navigating the answer is complicated
Image source: Typeform | Sabine Batalla
Image source: Typeform | Sabine Batalla
A survey conducted by the SW Londoner found that a majority of Londoners aged 18-24 choose to focus on work or themselves over romantic relationships.
Experts say this reflects the wider impact of global uncertainty and economic pressures Gen Z faces, rather than a decline in desire for connection.
"Young adults are working in a tough economic climate, it's hard to multitask between finding a partner and establishing a career," said London-based dating coach Hayley Quinn.
"If we rewind to boomers, not only were social expectations very different (people got married much younger), from an economic perspective housing was much cheaper.
"This meant whilst they had a different set of challenges, gaining enough stability to find a partner and raise a family was drastically easier."
In this climate, more and more young adults are putting their careers first
Safa, 22, an auditor, chooses to prioritise a successful career as a British Muslim woman while trying to balance personal and professional development.
For her, work is more stable than dating. She said: "I choose my career because it's the one thing that I can control. In a relationship, if things go well, it goes well. If it doesn't, it doesn't, right?
"Whereas in your career, you can make your mistakes, you can fix your mistakes, everything's fully in your control."
Weighing her options, she feels caught between traditional expectations around marriage and the modern expectations of a dating culture she sees dominated by casual hookups.
She said: "There's a lot of hookup culture, and obviously, being a modern brown Muslim girl, I'm not keen on the arranged marriage.
"But I'm also not keen on having one-night stands every Thursday night, so it does put you off a bit."
On choosing career first, Bolger, 22, working in insurance, said: "Older generations were more wholesome. Nowadays, it’s like mind games, and a battle between two people trying not to embarrass themselves."
Ant, 22, a master's student in art history, said: "I chose my career because it's something that will positively progress my future, which will in turn help me with future relationships and friendships."
Many young adults appear tired of the modern dating landscape and subsequently focus on their careers.
But where is this fatigue coming from?
Image source: Safa Abufazal
Image source: Safa Abufazal
Listen to Safa's full thoughts below.
'A generation already emotionally overtaxed'
Forming romantic connections in an increasingly complex world
"Most young people still want meaningful relationships. The bigger issue is that many are becoming fatigued by the process of modern dating itself."
Sociologist Jenny van Hooff
This fatigue for young adults comes at a time when marriage and birth rates are plummeting- not just in the UK but across the world.
In England and Wales, marriage rates among men and women in their 20s have fallen dramatically to around a third of their level three decades ago, as of 2023.
"Dating requires a lot of emotional energy. Experiencing disappointment and wrong turns is a normal part of the dating process," said Quinn.
"However, to a generation that is already emotionally overtaxed, this can feel like a burden."
Sociologist Jenny van Hooff said the issue is not that young people have lost interest in romance.
"Most young people still want meaningful relationships. The bigger issue is that many are becoming fatigued by the process of modern dating itself," she said.
"Rather, many are questioning whether contemporary dating culture is an effective way to find it, or are struggling to establish relationships in the current socioeconomic context."
She believes that economic uncertainty doesn't stop people from wanting intimate relationships, but it does raise the stakes of choosing a partner.
"For example, the housing crisis means that nearly a third of young people in the UK live with their parents throughout their 20s, making it harder to establish a relationship."
At the same time, young adults now prioritise finding partners who align with their mental well-being and self-development goals, making entering a relationship feel more consequential than it did for previous generations.
App fatigue and a fear of risks
Many came of age during the COVID-19 pandemic, when social opportunities outside were severely limited. As a result, dating apps became one of the primary ways young people sought romantic connections.
Nova, 23, a barista and MA Media Communications student, met his current partner through friends - and counts himself lucky after monotonous experiences on dating apps.
Dating app usage has steadily declined in the past few years as younger users have become disillusioned with its outcome.
According to relationship coach Rachel New, a lot of young people have anxiety about interacting with new people offline, as they have become deskilled from remote working and compartmentalising their love life from their friendships.
New said that while friendship had traditionally been a common route to romance, members of Gen Z may only conceive of dating through apps and organised events, leading her to coach clients on expressing interest in a less risky way.
"Many find it impossible to express interest in someone they meet organically – they just don’t have an internal ‘script’ for how to do it, and it doesn’t feel natural," she said.
“People are hypervigilant to small awkward moments, misunderstandings or rifts and find them more painful."
So while risk aversion is a factor, it is often rooted in the time, energy, and financial investment that the burgeoning workforce is anxious about spending.
Even in a healthy relationship, Nova finds he's unable to dedicate the time he wants to his partner.
"As someone who is doing their master's dissertation, has almost full-time work, and also an internship, balancing that and a relationship is quite hard," he said.
"I mean, I can't do anything about it, right? I still need to work on myself, and I do need to make money to have a roof above myself, and so I can feed myself and pay for transport to go to work."
Animated at Nova's request for privacy. Video and Animation by Sabine Batalla
"Many find it impossible to express interest in someone they meet organically – they just don’t have an internal ‘script’ for how to do it, and it doesn’t feel natural"
Rachel New, relationship coach
So why is Gen Z dating less and working more?
Experts have concluded that the answer is not a lack of interest.
Today's youth have shifted their focus from love and marriage because they live in a time when their choices feel so heavy. Career and stability seem like the more practical option, but that doesn't override the human desire for connection and intimacy.
"The biggest misconception is that Gen Z is somehow anti-romance, commitment-phobic or incapable of forming deep relationships," said van Hooff.
"I think people underestimate how difficult the current dating environment can be. If anything, many young adults are reacting rationally to a culture that often feels fragmented, polarised and increasingly mediated through technology.
"Their frustration isn't with relationships themselves. It's with the systems and conditions through which relationships are now formed."
Quinn has advised young adults not to wait for the perfect circumstances before dating, and New encourages self-acceptance that could help young people navigate the ups and downs of relationships.
The statistics and reports do not reflect a generation rejecting intimacy. Today's young adults want the same connections as those before them, but are finding it harder to pursue them in a world that feels more uncertain, expensive, and demanding than ever.
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